Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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