Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
