I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
