I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
