I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
