Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
