Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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