if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
