when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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