Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
