We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
