White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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