I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
