Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
