she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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