the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
