ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
