i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
