Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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