I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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