That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
