it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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