idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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