He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
