made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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