I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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