i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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