I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
