and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
