Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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