what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
