he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
