Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my liver is dry heaving
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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