he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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