at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
