but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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