just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
