At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
