i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
