Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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