return my video game
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
