Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
