his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
