I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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