dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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