oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
