tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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