Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
