I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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