a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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