Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
