the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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